If you have everlight weight band outside in a fairly large town or city you should have encountered a homeless person by now. If you haven’t at this point please light weight band your local recycling center for a live preview. Whatever your case may be you might have had a verbal or even physical light weight band with one, and more than often the exchange of money from one light weight band to the other is about.
Homeless people, or bums as we light weight band to call them often subject themselves to the ill fate and harsh conditions that define being a bum. Not everyone was prepared for the lifestyle, and change in fragrance, as some humans have become a bum light weight band uncontrollable circumstances such as insanity, business failure, Vietnam War, lack of strength against recreational drugs, and lots and lots more causes. For the most part however, the common bum is: lazy, lonely, and lucrative. I light weight band that latter term almost as loose as the change that many people spare to these street-stricken citizens.
So we all like to relax and enjoy the spoils of our labor via travel, rest, therapy, and many other outlets in our first world society. But the disturbing part about a bum is that they are essentially invited to continue their tax-free, weather commanded vacations in many concrete jungles and remote locations such as landfills, bus stops, market entrances, and my all-time favorite the beach. No matter which getaway your local bum has stakes on does not matter, for no matter where they go they shall rid your pockets of all “spare” pennies, nickles, pastrami sandwiches, and the occasional cigarette. These vacations, are often unexpected, and most small business and property owners do not expect for the voids in their possessions to be filled with the disdain of a daily wino binge. Within any scenario involving genres of people we will always have those that set apart from the group, the variables. In the case of the average bum, those variables of bums of circumstance or condition can be disability, lack of intelligence/will, or even abuse. But aside from the cases of deserving bum glory, we have swarms and packs of bums that drain the gullible citizen “one hit at a time.” To counter and deter this I suggest that we find useful tasks for these low-wage contractors, and lead them to pursue and entrepreneurial spirit in their homelessness. Example: the bum ask you for a dollar, ask him to use readily available equipment and spit-shine your shoe. Another neat technique for exploiting your personal impromptu butler is to sing a nice Blues tune, or helping you finish your plate. The art of finding the hidden talents of your bum is not an easily learnt trait, but with practice and malice in mind, you will feel like a street king in no time!
Your typical bum is not very social. Aside from the regular charitable foundation(suckers that falls for the traps), and an occasional golden retriever or cat, homeless people got it bad. No Facebook to post stories of good finds in trash can across the city. No twitter to get followed by verified bums. And the most horrific of all, no access to the all the ugly pictures their bestbums posts on Instagram. Aside from these modern luxuries the bum is not socially active, and tends to keep to self. Many people try to befriend the common bum and extend blankets and companionship. For the most part accompaniment is nonchalant to the bum, and is socially ashamed to the point where a friendless life is easier to handle. Think about it, people get taunted day in and day out for the simplest of mishaps like a stained shirt, an ashy knuckle, or a blackeye. How do you explain a needle sore on your foot to your employer? You don’t, and they won’t either cause they will enjoy their social war zone vacations as long as you provide the fuel. Which leads me to my next subject, finance.
Do keep in mind that devoted your rear-end to pavement, and other “germy” surfaces will not leave you broke. Any bum who is broke or hungry is simply not playing their cards right, or unfamiliar with the game they are playing with. Bums can collect very noble salaries of untaxed dollars with the proper tools.
1. Sales Pitch – Why do they want your money. Either will be expressed explicitly with commentary on drug habits, current events in their life, and services they can offer. Or implicitly and can be assumed that your money will join a slew of other monies for a nice fixation of drugs. No matter how you are approached by these Urban and Suburban Fundraising Technicians, you will know their angle at some point.
2. Level of Bumness. This is determined by the raggedness and oppression on the cup/wallet that they costume themselves with,the strength of their odor,(how many nose hairs per square inch are burned within a 5 meter radius of the bum), and their get-up or clothing they adorn on the regular. *Warning* a lot of those who ask for money are not even bums, we figured that part out already. There are also those who ask for money in the same manner that bums do which we will refer to as “hustlas.” The hustlas will have intricate stories such as getting out of town, diaper and food rations for their jr. hustlas, and some even go as far as promising to pay you back. YFR! (yeah f*cking right). But as far as levels go we have about 2. Oh lets say 1 being a fake and 2 being a real one. You should always try your best to aim for 2’s should you ever donate your precious USD to a bum, carefully noting the features or lack thereof of the features previously mentioned.
3. Location, location, location! The areas that bums patrol and build bum nest around play a crucial factor, in the salary that one could collect throughout an average day. Prime locations are busy metropolis areas with business persons who still have a piece of their soul, your inner-city gas stations,churches(also good for breakfast and shower programs), and your occasional Jack in the Box Drive through window should all produce insane amount of profits. Shying away from universities, hospitals, and courthouse or any other locations where people tend to leave disgruntled or emotionally flustered can help keep your profits soaring. The best way to determine if an area is good is by the calculating the remaining bums in the 1 square mile radius. Anything over 4 and your golden, as you have entered a “haven for the homeless” where one can launch a 10-year career. Areas with high concentrations of libraries, Starbucks, McDonalds’ w/Playplaces, and other bum-friendly venues can always improve the quality of life. But when any of this including the previous sections goodies are learned by the average bum, they can grow a trifling sense of superiority, as they have mastered the art of “le bum.” Les Bums are notable for back lashing on patrons and charitable persons for incorrect amounts of donations, taste of food, and even the absence of menthol in a filtered cigarette.
As time does not permit for a full rundown of the unhumble BUMblebee, I pray that you now know what world you have contributed to once you ejaculate some pennies into that red cup.
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